The Sealion in Winter Ball
This is the event of the year. If you don’t go to this event you are simply uncool.
For the full ticket of £250 you will be entitled to a eight course meal including the finest terrine de sanglier et de canard, the most beautiful smoked Northumbrian beef, and divine chocolate deserts. All this, complemented by Lauren Perrier, 2006 Bourgogne Chardonnay, and that cat piss they serve in the dining cart.
But the party does not stop there. Non, it only wakes from a slumber to begin the full festival. The Ents (or post dinner events, to those from deprived backgrounds) last from nine o’clock until the sun rises at five am the next day. Be ready for an evening packed with pleb hunting, port debates, and signet crafting. For those who do not have enough social links to get into the meal, the Ents tickets are available for £400.
Music from across the civilised world will guide you through your evening of debauchery, accompanied by the occasional more barbaric pieces from the ex-colonies (we do it for the internationals). We invite the most proud symphony orchestras to play (but often settle for ABBA tribute acts and the occasional decent Hatfieldian violinist).
So don’t be sour! We invite all to come to our sealion ball!
As the Sealion in Winter Ball is a much more prestigious event than the nearby Castle one that nobody has heard of, this paragraph serves as a warning to those who wish to gate-crash the SIWB. Entry to the Sealion in Winter Ball without a valid ticket may amount to theft, trespass, or deception. Hatfield College will treat as a serious disciplinary offence those who are or who appear to be present at the SIWB without a ticket. Such people will be required to leave the College site, and will be subject to a fine of at least £100 and stern telling off from the Top Lad.